Rollin' with Prince

Congratulations to everyone that won the Golden Globes awards... except for you, Ugly Betty! Sorry, we have a history. I asked her out on a date and she completely rejected me. Something about ugly being in and good-looking being so five minutes ago.

Anyway, I'm here to clear up some rumors. You may have heard that Prince was nowhere to be found when his award was offered to him from Best Song. Every rumor has been flying around from his hatred towards self-congratulations to his supposed beef with Justin Timberlake, who presented the award. All lies I tell you. I know the real truth.

Prince wanted to play basketball.

Yes, the sketch from "Chappelle's Show" is absolutely true. When Prince feels the need, b-ball he must play. He wanted to do a little one-on-one, and somehow he saw me through our possessed television, so he asked me to play him a couple of rounds. I kept telling him that he was going to be late to the Golden Globes, but he kept wanting to play. "2 out of 3," he'd shout. Then "3 out of 5." Then "5 out of 7." Which didn't make much sense since he beat me in every game.

So hopefully this will help explain the myth that is the Arist Once Known As The Arist Formally Known As But Now Is Again The Artist Known As Prince. Oh, and Isiah Washington from "Grey's Anatomy" stopped by, too, but I won't divulge what he said while he was here. The man's in enough trouble as it is.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, everybody. Sorry it's been a while since we posted. The place gets real crowded around here during the holidays - all of the characters from various holiday specials hang out here. It's a mess.

Heatmiser wants to turn up the heat, Coldmiser wants to cut it down. Rudolph isn't allowed to play the Nintendo Wii with the other reindeer. And Clarence the angel keeps turning our house black and white. I feel like I'm looking through the eyes of a dog.

I'm glad they're all gone now. Well, except for Hermie the Elf Dentist. He's the primary care provider on my dental plan.